The Wizard of Ozbama

The following is the first chapter of a parody very loosely based on the "Wizard of Oz" stories by Frank Baum; any similarity to persons real or imagined is only coincidental.



The Wizard of Ozbama: Barak Obama
Theadora Typhoon: Michelle Obama
The Cowardly Coyote: Colin Powell
The Scaremonger: Joe Biden
The Tan Man: Bill Clinton
Auntie En: Cindy McCain
Uncle Harry: John McCain
Wicked Witch of the Way-out West: Nancy Pelosi
Good Witch of the Further West: Sarah Palin
Secretary of State: Spike Lee
Secretary of Defense: Puff Daddy
Secretary of the Treasury: 50 Cent
M'Lady of the Privy Chamber: Hillary Clinton
The Two Guards: Al Sharpton and Charles Rangel
Lord High Executioner: William Ayers
Enemies of the Realm: Anyone who voted for Uncle Harry

ONCE UPON A TIME, there was a new king named the Wizard of Ozbama. He wanted everyone in his kingdom to share the wealth, except his wealth. About a year after his ascension to the throne, things were not going very well. Standing on a balcony in his palace in the Wizarddom of the United States of Ozbama, with his two armed guards holding AK-47's and fanning him lovingly with banana leaves, he addressed his subjects:

"My good people," he began, "You know that the economic crisis in the first year of my reign has resulted in tightening our belts. Even here in the Grey Palace, we learned to live a little leaner; my staff of servants did without breakfast and lunch". At this remark there was great snickering from the crowd. "I now proclaim by this decree, that we are begining to share the wealth in earnest. On October 1st, all homes with central heat will share their wealth with those neighbors who haven't paid their heating bills for the last fifty years. On that day, all customers with central heat who pay their bills, will have to pay for twenty-five customers who don't." There was much applause and cheers from the crowd.

Then the Wizard continued: " You know that I love you all, you are my subjects and I am your Wizard, but some of you have shown a lack of respect for me. And because of this, those who have done this misdeed shall be punished, according to the New Constitution of the Wizarddom of the United States of Ozbama." There was an audible gasp from the crowd. "A representative from the office of the Secretary of Defense will inspect every home in the Wizarddom to search for anti-Ozbama material. Anything against me that is found will be confiscated and the people living in that home will be arrested and taken to prison. Well, that's all folks, have a nice day." And with that parting shot, the Wizard turned to go back into his air conditioned palace. But suddenly a pleading voice called up to him.

"Oh great Wizard! Please listen to me! I need to ask you a question!"

"And to whom am I to address my answer to, young lady?" asked the Wizard.

"My name is Theadora Typhoon, and I want to go home."

"The Wizard can grant your wish, if you tell me where home is."

"Home is where you are, oh Great One. I used to live in the Grey Palace before you stole the wizardship from my Uncle Harry."

"GUARDS!!! SEIZE THAT WOMAN!" yelled the Great Ozbama. "TAKE HER TO THE PRISON AND LOCK HER UP!" So the guards did just that, and locked up poor Theadora with chains of finest gold. Her pet chinchilla Spot had escaped through an open window, never to be seen again.

IN THE MEANTIME . . . the Wizard returned to his room and removed his crown and robe. "I'm going to take a nap before dinner. And make sure the chateaubriand is cooked right this time. Now, get out of here and let me sleep in peace." The servants and guards left, while the Wizard flopped on his royal bed and was asleep in minutes.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Theadora's wrists were very sore from the rough treatment of the guards. It was dark in the prison, but when her eyes adjusted, she noticed that she wasn't alone: There were hundreds of people, just like her, chained to the walls, their slouched attitude evidence of great depression.

"Did you all say something wrong, too? Have you seen my pet chinchilla? When is dinner served?" The other prisoners just stared at Theadora with blank faces. This was going to be a very long night.

. . . . . .to be continued . . . . . .