The New Order

Well, well, well, so it's come to this, has it? The Kingdom of Ozbama, which at one point in history was highly celebrated as a most democratic kingdom, is quickly turning into a Socialist state, complete with its own version of the Politburo and KGB. The plethora of Czars and Czarinas is fast approaching the population of a small city.

It is morning in the Kingdom and the Wizard has just finished breakfast with his Wizardess, Dorothea.

"Ah, Dorothea, that was a most delicious breakfast." The Wizard wiped his mouth on his monogrammed napkin, stretched, and stood up.

" I didn't make it---we have chefs, you know!" Dorothea sounded quite indignant.

"I know that, dearest, but still . . . you are here with me, enjoying the full brightness of my countenance as I gaze at your lovely face." He kissed his wife on the cheek, swept up his robes and walked out of the Royal Kitchen, into the Throne Room to await the day's meetings.

"So, Beasley, what's on the agenda for today?" asked the Wizard as he practiced his golf swing.

"My name isn't Beasley, your Wizardry. It's Nottingham, sire." The Sheriff looked quite put out at the Wizard's lack of memory for names.

"Oh, sorry, Notts. Now, what dull personage do I have to meet with today?"

"The Wicked Witch of the Way-out West, your Wizardry. She would like to discuss the new Health Bill that has just been signed but not passed yet."

"Where is this Health Bill anyway, Notts? Can I see it before we discuss it?" the Wizard asked as he straightened his crown.

"Of course, your Wizardry. Page, bring in the Health Bill at once!" ordered the Sheriff. Suddenly the doors opened and a page brought in the Health Bill, which was brought in by four gold-clad wheelbarrows. It weighed no less than 465lbs and consisted of one million pages.

"You expect me to read all that?????" cried the Wizard.

"Well, yes, sire---you really should read the entire thing before meeting with the Witch and actually passing the Bill," offered the Sheriff.

"NONSENSE!! I refuse to read that whole thing! I'll just read the first couple pages--that should be enough." The Wizard grabbed the first page and skimmed over it, took up the second page, glanced at it, then put it back in the pile of papers.

"Ok, I read it. Where's the Royal Seal?"

"But, your Wizardry, you have hardly looked at the Bill--how can you pass this?" asked the Sheriff. "And you haven't discussed this with the Wicked Witch of the Way-out West."

"I can do anything I want because I am the Wizard of Ozbama and don't you forget it!" boomed the Wizard. "I run this Kingdom! I make the laws! No one dares to challenge me! Now give me that Royal Seal!" The Wizard grabbed the Royal Seal out of the Sheriff's hand and applied it to the Health Bill.

"There---it's done." The Wizard handed the Royal Seal back to the Sheriff and used some disinfecting hand cleaner. The Sheriff looked around the room at the others who were gathered there for this momentous occasion. Their faces spoke volumes, some with gaping mouths and others staring incredulously at the brazen attitude of the Wizard.

The Sheriff cleared his throat and asked, "Your Wizardry, what do we do with the subjects who refuse to buy health insurance?"

"Oh, that's an easy one---we'll round them up and throw them into the Royal Prison. Just imagine that there are people in my kingdom who refuse to buy health insurance, even if they can't afford it or aren't working. They are evil, crazy. Prison is where they belong."

"What about the people who buy Health Insurance, your Wizardry? Will they be rewarded?" asked the Sheriff.

"Rewarded??? Rewarded?? You have GOT to be joking, Notts. We're going to squeeze every last penny out of our subjects for this Health Bill and put it into the 'Save the Kingdom Fund.' That way I will ensure many, many more years of living comfortably off with a few of my cronies and Czars, while the masses will be frantically searching for loose change in their sofas. You know--keep 'em begging for the Wizard and Co. to come to their rescue. They will look up to us as their only salvation, and at long last, we will have them where we want them. Meeting's adjourned."

And with a flourish, the Wizard of Ozbama retired to his Royal Bedroom for a short nap before his next round of meetings and a quick trip to a tropical country to do some duty-free shopping . . .